kxz blogging at elowel.org
07-03-06 06:46
bah! I'm off to sign language class, and all I can think about is someone who I haven't seen in 2 years.


Damn you Dostoyevsky.
Another one 06-02-06 01:53
I really need to stop this whole "falling in love thing." It hurts, and it's useless in my opinion. I've obsessed over it for such a long time, that it seems like I should let go...
Shit... I don't know how.
It didn't happen, I'll elaborate sometime, but sadly I'm changing this post becaue it didn't happen sadly.
There was a medieval woman (strange only because gender-wise, it's amazing a woman was able to attain education, maybe she was noble, anyway) who wrote 4 seperate journals she referred to as her "4 parchments." I bring this up more as an explanation of this one. The four were as follows;

One - Her day to day dealings (most public)
Two - Work related things
(somewhat public)
Three - Literary related things
(private)
Four - Ambigously open personal reflection
(pen-named)

This journal would be my representation of the fourth. Personally, this is just a bunch of annoyances which occur in my love-life, and I hope someone finds an ounce of interest in reading it. However, I would like to say that this is not a good representation of me but instead only an outlet for the most inner of feelings. - And yes I'm creepy, hehehe.. ok, time to get back to life.
(Only because this is my journal in which I bitch)

I'm still in love with someone I dated for 4 months, 2 years ago. She's getting married this summer (maybe).

I also have a crush on someone's fiance.

pathetic really.
As with every morning 03-24-06 07:15
As estranged with every morning, today is not different. The search for my orchid is relentless, and thus peariless. Somday, maybe!
No poem today 03-21-06 20:23
I wish I could think of a way to write how I feel presently about someone in particular, but the poetic verse escapes me.. I want the best for her, this is very true. In the same respect I'm attempting to swallow these tendencies to ravanously attack her in the utmost of sexual passion. - I need to get over this asap - I hate being a brutally honest 20 year old male. I promise posts in the future won't be so, creepy.

As an Entrance 03-09-06 11:25
It's ending,
burning, alone
asleep - attached
different, gone

Someone else occupies a space,
one I reserved for you,
but you don't care, not at all,
I never wanted you,
I love you.




OK, Yes, it's supersappy, get over it.
Letting go 02-23-06 01:24
It's impossible to let go of that which I want so prudently.

I would love to give up the thought of being with someone in particular, but it's not leaving my mind.

She plague's my mind. When I try to sleep, I can't. I find myself caressing the pillow next to me as though it were her stomach.

I hate that so much.
02-15-06 00:53
Awesome, so we know my avator is working.
OK, I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'd have to say this:

sixteen friends,
six relationships,
three partners,

the only one I-
fell for,
doesn't feel the same,
for the first time,
I'm truely in love,
she loves someone else.
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